People Don't Leave Jobs - They Leave Relationships

"People don't leave jobs, they leave bosses.'"

This is a very popular phrase that circles around the HR and management community a lot...and in fact has been doing so even during the time I was a recruiter some 25+ years ago. And, in all that time has consistently proven to be true.

However, I'd like to frame this truth in a different way. People don't leave jobs, they leave relationships. Because, in essence, that's what we're talking about. Leaving anyone, boss or not, is leaving a relationship.

What they are leaving is the way they are being treated.

You see in business and in life, what impacts the quality of our lives the most are the relationships in our lives. And so, this brings up a critical business truth - the quality of your business is dependent on the quality of relationships in every aspect of your business. 

Whether it's between your customers, team members, suppliers, manger to team member. A business is an eco-system of relationships.

So if this is true, then as a business owner, senior leader or HR partner. I suggest we get very clear and stay clear on the types of relationships we want in our business. An easy way to do this is to identify the qualities you most desire.

Action item: write out a list of qualities you'd like your relationships to demonstrate or possess. Here are a few of mine: compassionate, understanding, caring, considerate, truthful, candid, nonjudgmental, generous...just to name of few.

The characteristics I've listed above, set expectations and parameters for how the relationship will be conducted - on my part and theirs. We call these attributes -boundaries. 

What's a boundary? - it's a line not to be crossed. It keeps things in and it keeps things out. Think about this in terms of relationships.

Boundaries define for you, for those creating them, what will and won't be tolerated. Your boundaries inform those who enter into a relationship with you how it's going to go....and if they are not able to behave in the way desired, then there can't be a relationship and it will need to be modified or ended.

Except... and here's the catch, many don't end it. For whatever the reason (and that's for a different post) they keep either moving the boundary line or more commonly, tolerating the violation of them. This is rampant in companies.

This, by the way, confuses the violator...and so they just keep on testing, violating the boundary because they are not experiencing any meaningful consequences when doing so.

Here's another phrase worth remembering. We "train" people how to treat us. If we don't like the way we're being treated we have to ask ourselves what are we allowing (and this is the really important one) and why.

Many people will blame others for the effects of the very things - actions, behaviors - they are tolerating and still not do anything to change the situation.

Now as it relates to business, unbeknownst to us, we do establish boundaries...for example with an employee handbook, a contract, labor laws, company values. But for a fundamentally healthy culture to exist, where all parties can thrive, boundaries need to be set at a team level starting with the manager being clear on he/she desires for the team atmosphere, values, which all directly relate to how each will treat the other. Every team should have a set of agreed-upon attitudes and behaviors (which I call team values) which each member is expected to honor.

Please know - and this is critical - the qualities of a team's culture is directly related to the level/ amount of tolerations of the manager.

Ultimately, when a team member does not honor the values,  what should the manager do? Quite simply have a series of conversations that flush out if the team member is aware and do they care.

If they don't, that's your clue they are not a fit for your group. Not caring reflects a social and emotional immaturity that you will have to spend excessive time and energy managing. Do you want to do that? Do you have time for it? A warning...it will feel very parental, be very stressful and prove to be exhausting! 

So here's your "people skills for managers" coaching tip: See your business, team, customers as relationships. Decide how you want them to go/be. Be clear. Also, decide - if any characteristics are violated -  what will you do? 

Remember, ultimately everything in business is about human behavior and relationships.

Note: If you're to the point where you know you might need to let someone go and yet are not clear, you'll want to take our mini-course  - How to Be Confident When Firing Someone.

Let me know your thoughts on this post - em: joann@manageglobal.solutions or share it and tag me on Twitter @joanncorley.  This is a pretty big deal and many of our colleagues suffer because we don't understand and/or are not aware of the role of boundaries in business.

If you want to improve your individual people management skills and team management in general, then... you'll want to grow your awareness of how human behavior impacts your business - read my latest 2 executive briefings.  

You can email me and I'll be happy to send a complimentary pdf version of them (whichever you request) or you can pick them up on Amazon (book or Kindle). (They are both incredibly helpful people management books!)
1.  Show Me the Money: Solving the Mystery of ROI to Unlock Profits and Increase Company Value
2. The Human Quotient: The Most Potent Force for Your Business Success

Email: joann@manageglobal.solutions | or if you want help with the exercise and/or review its results feel free to set up a 30 min. Q&A call. 

Exciting News: We are migrating to a 90% virtual company so that we can be available to help more people. As of Nov. 1 - we officially launch Manage Global. Our #1 focus will be to help leaders and their HR partners implement effective management practices through our Effective Executive Smart Management Blueprint, which includes our unique lens of human behavior science.  It's an exceptional tool to manage managers for results!..which is one of the top challenges of companies, no matter the size. Our goal is to help them do so in a unique, reliable, sustainable way. Not one dollar is wasted with our blueprint! Learn more here.

Do You Carry This Critical Point of View in Your Business?

One of the elements of business I'm becoming more and more committed to - for myself and clients - is that of simplicity.

I'm also devoted to spend my time providing insights and information from a different point of view that provides meaningful value...that is if you spend your precious time reading my blog...at the end of each post you'll think, "Well, that was worth it."

From my experience, that different point of view is seeing business through a very simple lens. Here's the lens: all things business are derived from human behavior.  It has become a very defined view over the years and its benefits are enormous for this who are willing to see as I do.

2 Simple Non-Negotiable Elements of Business You Should Know
After working with thousands of employees and their managers throughout North American over those past years, I've observed and have narrowed down the main, overriding issues to success in business and they are human behavior and relationships... and note how one naturally impacts the other in business outcomes. (I'll address relationships in my next post. For the moment, we'll focus on human behavior.)

What if you planned and ran your business with an emphasis on this lens - being aware of human behavior in every decision - what would happen? Here's the funny thing - in some respects you probably already do, you just may not recognize it.

Ultimately, everything....that is everything (and yes I'm repeating myself to make a point) comes down to human behavior and what influences it:
1. what we know - knowledge - what we know and don't know
2. what we do with what we know aka what we decide
3. how we emotionally react to what we experience
4. how we interpret our experience - what we tell ourselves about what's happening (whether rational or not, true or not).
5. how we relate to employees, customers, service partners, stockholders (all stakeholders depending on your business design).

All of these will dictate how money flows in and out of our business.  If your money flow is not happening the way you want, if you're not achieving the results you're working so hard to get, I'm 99.9% sure it can be found in one of these 5.

So, what does this mean for you as a business owner, senior leader or HR professional? If you don't add human behavior to your lens as you look at your business, you will probably miss some critical stuff....and it will be difficult to adequately diagnosis issues so that you can find the appropriate solutions. You will be throwing money at things that won't give you the resolution you need.

This is why I recommend that every business owner has a behavior specialist on their advisory team. Some think that's their human resource partner, but unfortunately, it's rare to find one that has the needed level of combined business and human behavior acumen.

Here's A Fun, Fast Activity
A quick and easy way to start improving your view is to do the following simple exercise:
1. Write down - free flow - everything that is bugging you about your business.
2. Write down a list of things that are going right in your business.
3. Now for each item written, apply any elements of the 1-5 list above.
You should begin to see how behavior - how we operate as humans - generates the results in your business.

One final thought: When it comes to hiring someone at any level, consider not only what they "can do" but how they relate to others while doing it. One definitely impacts the efficiency and effectiveness of the other. What's the usefulness of needed skills if they adversely impact the ability of others to fully execute theirs.

If you want to grow your awareness of how human behavior impacts your business, you'll want to read my latest 2 executive briefings.  You can email me and I'll be happy to send a complimentary pdf version of them (whichever you request) or you can pick them up on Amazon (book or Kindle).
1.  Show Me the Money: Solving the Mystery of ROI to Unlock Profits and Increase Company Value
2. The Human Quotient: The Most Potent Force for Your Business Success

Email: joann@manageglobal.solutions | or if you want help with the exercise and/or review its results feel free to set up a 30 min. Q&A call.

Exciting News: We are migrating to a 90% virtual company so that we can be available to help more people. As of Nov. 1 - we officially launch Manage Global. Our #1 focus will be to help leaders and their HR partners implement smart management practices through our unique lens of human behavior science.We've formulated them into an easy to follow blueprint. Developing competent management is one of the top challenges of companies, no matter the size. Our goal is to help them do so in a reliable, sustainable way. Not one dollar is wasted with our blueprint! Learn more here.